I have to confess…I was the queen of indulgence on my vacation. Soft serve ice cream? Of course! Clam chowder? Absolutely. Another drink? Sure. I let my taste buds lead the way, and my willpower happily stepped aside.
My yoga mat only made a couple of appearances, and the weights I’d planned to lift in my mom’s basement? They stayed untouched, just a good intention. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised. Self-regulation isn’t my strongest character strength, and on vacation, I give myself permission to fully relax and enjoy.
Now that I’m home, though, self-regulation takes the spotlight again. I need it to keep my energy high and my focus sharp for the things that matter most—like writing this newsletter for you.
What is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is basically our inner superpower that helps us keep it together when life tempts us to veer away from our plan. It’s what lets us pause before binging that third episode of Wednesday, say no to the extra slice of cake (sometimes!), or pull ourselves together when stress or strong feelings hit.
Instead of acting on every impulse, self-regulation gives us the ability to slow down, check in with ourselves, and make choices that line up with what we actually want long-term—like good health, strong relationships, or meaningful work.
On a practical level, self-regulation is about managing our reactions—whether it’s waiting patiently, sticking to a plan, or calming ourselves when everything feels overwhelming. Everyone struggles sometimes (and some of us more than others), but the good news is that it’s a skill we can build up over time—one mindful choice at a time.
Self-Regulation in Action
Think of self‑regulation as a muscle: it gets tired if you push too hard, but it grows stronger with consistent use. Since it’s not my top strength, I often lean on other strengths to help—especially my social intelligence, kindness, and love. These give me extra support for my emotional regulation.
For example, when my kids say something that pushes my buttons, I pause, take a breath, and try to respond in a way that keeps us connected rather than escalating things. Not perfect, but better.
Here’s another trick I use to make self-regulation less exhausting: routines. When I set my sights on building bone density, I wanted my new choices to slide right into my daily life—no extra fuss. So, I put strength training days on my calendar, made my calcium supplement part of my breakfast ritual, and pour a glass of milk with lunch. Turning these actions into habits means less overthinking—so I have more energy to actually follow through on them.
5 Ways to Build Self-Regulation
- Break Big Goals into Micro-Goals. Large tasks can feel overwhelming and quickly zap your willpower. Try setting small, manageable micro-goals for yourself. Every little win builds momentum and strengthens your self-regulation in the process.
- Pause & Create Space Before Reacting. Build in time buffers—just 10 seconds of deep breathing or a mindful pause before you respond to stress or temptation. These simple moments help you gain control and choose your reaction intentionally.
- Monitor Your Patterns. Keep a quick journal or log of moments when your self-regulation feels strong or when it falters. Noticing patterns helps you figure out what supports or drains your self-control, so you can adjust your routine to suit you better.
- Eliminate Distractions. If you need to focus on a task, create an interruption-free work zone. Turn off notifications & set up do not disturb (on your devices or with a physical sign.) Consider noise canceling headphones if you are in a noisy place.
- Refuel Your Energy. Take short breaks throughout the day to replenish your energy. Stretch, move, laugh, talk to a friend, pet an animal- notice what works for you & make time for it. You will get more done in the long run.
This Week’s Strength Challenge
I’d love to hear from you!
How will you build self-regulation this week?
Leave me a comment and join the conversation!
Need Support?
If you need help building self-regulation to reach your goals, let’s chat! Email dianna@collierclan.net for a free consultation.
New Group Coaching for Parents of Young Adults
I’m so excited to invite you to Positive Launch—a 90‑minute group coaching session (with my colleague, Jennifer Hanawald) for parents and caregivers of high school and college students. You’ll learn practical, evidence‑based tools to stay connected with your young adult while supporting their transition to independence.
When: Sunday, September 21 · 4–5:30 PM EST
Cost: Introductory rate $99
Register: Click here to sign up
Want more details? Join our free 30‑minute info session on Sunday, August 17 at 4 PM EST — register here or email me at dianna@collierclan.net
Dianna Collier 