Have you ever had a day when your goals looked right, but your energy and motivation just didn’t show up to meet them?
That’s how I felt yesterday as I tried to generate ideas for this newsletter and came up with…nothing.
No spark, no clear topic, just pressure because I had a call coming up with a collaborator who’s often my sounding board for ideas. I felt like I “should” have several possible ideas to bring so I could get valuable feedback.
I tried to find a solution by picking up a book on the science of motivation that I’ve been meaning to read. It was interesting and engaging, and I even landed on a section about setting inspiring goals.
But as I read it, I had this quiet realization: “This isn’t actually my problem.” I was trying to think my way out of a feeling.
My problem wasn’t how to set better goals.
My problem was that I was trying to override my humanity.
When thinking your way out doesn’t work
I still didn’t have a brilliant idea or a big a‑ha by the time my call started.
When it was my turn to share, I decided to be honest and just tell the truth. I was struggling to find inspiration and was feeling uncertain if I could write something meaningful for my readers.
As I talked it through, I noticed a shift. I realized I didn’t actually need to push myself harder. I needed to give myself permission to be human.
No decision was required right then. I wasn’t planning to write until the next day anyway. I could let this be an in‑between space: a little uncomfortable, a little cloudy, and still totally okay.
I could feel the discomfort without fighting it. I could trust that if I listened to my feelings instead of wrestling them to the ground, they would shift. The negativity would ease. My motivation would find its way back.
Outside, it was literally cloudy. Inside, it felt the same. Talking with my friend helped me pull back and see the bigger picture: maybe there was a good reason I felt so uninspired.
Turning curiosity onto myself
Once I softened a bit, I could finally ask a different question:
“Is there a good reason I’m feeling this way?”
It didn’t take long to find one. Actually, several.
- My dog just had surgery last week to remove cancer. She’s doing well (thank goodness), but caretaking has been using a lot of my energy and attention.
- My schedule has been all over the place. Meetings rescheduled because people were sick or dealing with personal stuff. Rearranging medical appointments for myself.
- With Valentine’s Day and President’s Day, I’ve been coaching less than usual.
- And I know this about myself: I get a lot of inspiration from people. Fewer sessions and conversations = less energy and creative spark.
So yes, technically, I had more time to write. But I had less energy. And that matters.
Once I saw all of that laid out, my lack of motivation made complete sense.
There was nothing wrong with me. My system was just doing its best with the load it was carrying.
When I name that for clients, they often feel relief. When I finally named it for myself, I felt the same thing.
What was really under the “low motivation”
Underneath it all, what I was actually feeling was disappointment and frustration.
- Disappointment that my week didn’t go as planned.
- Frustration that I wasn’t using my “extra time” in the way I thought I “should.”
- Worry that if I didn’t stay productive, things might stall out.
Those feelings were quietly fueling my lack of motivation, the way they so often do for the clients I talk to.
From the outside it can look like procrastination, laziness, or “I just can’t get myself going.”
From the inside, it’s often: “I’m tired. I’m worried. This is not the week I thought I’d have.”
The problem wasn’t that I’m not driven or dedicated enough. The problem was that I was expecting myself to show up as if nothing hard was happening.
You don’t have to be “on” all the time
Our culture sends a loud message: stay goal‑driven, stay motivated, keep optimizing.
But we are not machines. We are not designed to be inspired and productive at a constant, steady clip.
Some weeks are full of momentum and clarity. Other weeks are full of caretaking, disrupted plans, medical updates, or just…life.
You don’t have to be goal‑driven and motivated all the time to be a responsible, caring, ambitious person.
You’re allowed to have cloudy stretches. You’re allowed to be affected by what’s happening in your world.
Ironically, the research on self‑compassion and motivation suggests that being kinder to ourselves when we struggle actually helps us re‑engage more fully over time, not less.
In my experience—personally and with clients—that rings true:
Compassion loosens the stuckness that criticism hardens.
I didn’t get my motivation back by reading the perfect tip or constructing the perfect goal.
I got it back by:
- telling the truth to someone I trust, sharing some laughter & deep discussion,
- looking honestly at what I was carrying, and
- letting myself be a human being for a minute.
A few gentle questions for you
If you’ve been feeling unmotivated lately, here are a few questions you might try:
- What feelings are fueling my lack of motivation? No judgement, just acknowledgement.
- Instead of “What’s wrong with me?”, ask: “What’s been going on in my life that might explain why I feel this way?”
- If I treated myself as a human being, not a human doing, what would today look like?
- Given that, what would a kind, realistic next step look like?”
This Week’s Challenge
I’d love to hear from you!
How do you support yourself on days when your motivation is low?
Leave me a comment and join the conversation!
Need Support Developing Self-Kindness?
If you’d like personalized strategies to increase self-compassion, email me at dianna@collierclan.net for a free consultation.
Dianna Collier 