How to Prepare for an Empty Nest

Do you have a son or daughter graduating from high school? Are you feeling a rollercoaster of emotions as the countdown to graduation begins? 

When I think about my younger daughter’s upcoming graduation, I feel excitement mixed with nostalgia. I remember when she clung to me like a koala & am now inspired by her independence. As she is heading towards the next chapter in her life as a college student living away from home, I will be embarking on a new phase of life as an empty nester. I look forward to the increased flexibility in my schedule but will miss our regular chats after school. 

To support myself in this huge transition, I talked to empty nesters, did some reading on the topic and explored what worked best for me when my oldest daughter left for college. 

Here are my 6 tips on how to prepare for an empty nest:

1. Give yourself space for a variety of feelings. You may feel pride for your child & excitement about new opportunities while also feeling grief & sadness about spending less time with them. Many things are true at once. None of these feelings are wrong. My favorite way to provide this non-judgmental, emotional space for myself is practicing self-compassion. If you are not familiar with this practice, check out my blog on self-compassion.

2. Expect to coach your child through their conflicted feelings about the transition. They may feel thrilled to graduate but nervous about moving or leaving friends. College students often call home when they are struggling. A friend of mine described how her daughter tended to feel better after these calls, but my friend was left with residual worry. What are we to do in these situations? 

• Find someone to process these conversations with afterwards such as a friend, partner, therapist or coach.
• Make time for practices that regulate your nervous system so you can be a supportive, calm presence for your child. Some possibilities include yoga, meditation, exercise or prayer. 

3. Find ways to connect with your child from a distance. Ask your child how they would like to stay in touch. My older daughter prefers to stay in touch by texting or talking over FaceTime. A friend of mine described the unexpected pleasure of a daily word exchange with her son for Wordle. 

4. Plan something fun for yourself after your child moves out. Create your own empty nest celebration. We have many rituals in our culture to honor life transitions such as weddings, graduations and funerals. Rituals can provide a sense of closure while embracing the future. 

I am planning a trip to Minnesota to pick apples, attend the state fair & visit my best friend after dropping off my kids at college. One of my friends planned a trip to walk the Camino de Santiago with her husband after her children left home. 

5. Prioritize meaningful relationships and social time with others to “replace” the time spent with kids. You will have more free time after your kids move out. Excited? Me too. However, I recognize that this extra time could lead to loneliness or boredom. An empty nester friend shared with me that she missed the community of parents she naturally spent time with at her son’s sporting events. She needed to generate some new ways to socialize.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, consider these possibilities to increase meaningful connections:

• Join clubs or organizations that match your interests.
• Volunteer for local non-profit organizations to meet new people and give back to your community.
• Host gatherings such as game nights or dinner parties for friends and neighbors.
• Revive an old hobby or learn something new, like playing a musical instrument, painting, or gardening. You can look for classes or workshops to meet others with similar interests.
• Plan regular meetings with friends such as a weekly coffee date or monthly movie night.

6. Discuss changing routines with your partner. If you are a single parent, talk to a trusted person about the changes or journal about them. When children move out, cooking & meal times, household chores, shopping, finances and schedules change. These changes may provide you with more time and resources, but communication is particularly important at this time. 

Your partner may be experiencing the empty nest differently than you. Check in with their priorities for this new stage of life. It’s an opportunity to reconnect with your partner and rediscover shared interests. After many years of planning meals to suit the kids, my husband and I are excited about the variety of food that we can cook together. It is just the start of our vision for an exciting new future.

Parenting does not end when children move out, but it does change dramatically. Preparing ourselves for the transition can help us approach this change with optimism and hope. 

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help preparing for an empty nest, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.