One of the things I am learning as a parent of young adults is that their transitions can bring up big transitions in us, too.
As our kids leave for college, begin jobs, make decisions we may not fully understand, and learn through their own experiences, our role changes.
We are learning to step back from being the ones who solve every problem and move toward being a trusted coach: listening, reflecting back what we hear, and encouraging them to use their own strengths as they make decisions.
We may feel proud and excited one minute, then worried, sad, uncertain, or tempted to jump in and fix things the next. These feelings make sense. We love them deeply.
And yet, when a young adult is having a hard time, it can be difficult to stay grounded in our own emotions while making room for theirs. We want to be a steady, supportive presence. But we are human, too.
Using Self-Compassion in a Hard Moment
My younger daughter had only been back at college for a week when she got COVID.
She was okay and had support nearby, but I still felt that familiar mix of worry and helplessness.
I could check in, offer comfort, and share advice from a distance, but I could not fix it or be there in the way I wanted. After we talked, the worry lingered.
I paused for a moment of self-compassion, reminding myself: This is hard because I care. I’m not alone in this feeling. I can offer myself some kindness, too.
The worry did begin to fade. I could not change the situation from a distance, but I felt calmer and better able to trust that she had the support she needed.
Support for This Season
If you are navigating your own mix of worry, sadness, or uncertainty as your young adult becomes more independent, Jennifer Hanawald and I are very excited to offer our online small group again:
From Anxiety to Ease: Self-Care for College Parents
Together, we will explore ways to calm strong emotions, ease transition anxiety, and strengthen the self-care practices that help us show up with greater steadiness for ourselves and our young adults.
When parents tend to their own wellbeing, they are building the resilience and steadiness that can help support the whole family through whatever comes next.
📅 Friday, October 16, 1:00–2:00 PM ET / 12:00–1:00 PM CT
💻 Interactive, small-group online experience via Zoom
✨ Education, exercises, real-life scenarios, and take-home resources
💰 Cost: $75
👉 For more details and to register
The road to independence can be bumpy, and it is also worth celebrating. Join us and a community of fellow parents to learn, practice, and find reassurance as you navigate this season of change.
A Practice for the Meantime
Whether or not you join us, I wanted to leave you with a small practice for those moments when strong emotions linger.
I recorded this guided Self-Compassion Break to help you pause, acknowledge what is hard, and offer yourself the same kindness you would extend to someone you love.
Watch the Self-Compassion Break
Self-compassion can soften some of the stress we add to ourselves and help us return to the kind of parent we want to be.
Wondering if this group is right for you, or have a question about the self-compassion practice?
Send me a note anytime at dianna@collierclan.net. I’d love to hear from you.
Dianna Collier 