How to Deal with Election Day Stress

Every time I turn on the radio or tv this week, I hear stories about the upcoming election and the uncertain results. When I check my social media feeds or read an online news article, it’s just as rampant. It’s no wonder that many people are reporting feelings of stress & anxiety about election day. In this politically charged environment, just thinking about election results can trigger the “fight or flight” response in our bodies. Luckily, we can release this stress and shift ourselves back into a calm state by using some simple strategies.

Here are my 5 ways to ease election day stress:

  1. Set boundaries on your news consumption & limit political conversations. Check in with your body to determine when you have had enough news. 
  • Are you feeling tense in the shoulders, neck or jaw? 
  • Is your stomach queasy? 
  • Is your breath restricted & shallow? 

These are all signs that you need to step away from a screen or end a difficult conversation and take a break.

  1. Take a nature break. Step outside and notice
  • The sounds you can hear 
  • The temperature of the air
  • Anything you can smell
  • The movement of the wildlife
  • The colors of the plants and animals

If you can’t go outside, look out a window, connect with a pet or admire an indoor plant. You could also check out other people’s views outside of their windows around the world at https://www.window-swap.com/

  1. Take a sensory break. Spend 5 minutes tuning into your senses. Choose one or multiple of the following options.
  • Sound: Listen with full attention to an instrumental song or a song with inspiring, positive lyrics. 
  • Smell: Take deep, slow breaths of something that smells pleasant to you. This could be a flower, an orange, a candle, coffee, vanilla, cinnamon or any other scented item you enjoy.
  • Taste: Allow a small piece of chocolate to dissolve on your tongue while you focus on the flavor.
  • Touch: Rub your hands together slowly. Can you feel the ridges on your fingertips & the lines on your palms?
  • Sight: Pick an object in the room or outside a window & notice the colors, patterns & textures. Pick another object & repeat the exercise.  
  1. Connect with others without talking about politics. Start conversations that focus on what is going well in the lives of your friends and family. Positive moods are contagious. If you need some inspiration on how to do this, try this mood boosting activity.

The G.L.A.D. Daily Snapshot

G-Gratitude: What is one thing that you are grateful for today?

L-Learning: What is something that you learned today about yourself, others or the world? 

A- Accomplishment: What is something (small or big) that you accomplished today?

D- Delight: What is something that brought you delight today? What brought you a sense of beauty or made you smile or laugh?

  1. Take a 5 minute exercise break. Dance to a song, walk briskly, jump rope, do jumping jacks or shake your arms, legs and then whole body. Afterwards, pause and notice how your body feels as it returns to equilibrium. Did you release some physical tension? Is your heart rate slowing down after peaking during the exercise burst? Can you take deeper breaths now?

It is understandable that many people are feeling tension and unease about the uncertain results of the upcoming election. The media does a great job of drawing our attention to these fears. However, there are ways we can regulate our emotions even while watching election results come in. Try these techniques to interrupt the stress response in your body and remember to vote!

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help dealing with stress of any kind, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

How to Prepare for an Empty Nest

Do you have a son or daughter graduating from high school? Are you feeling a rollercoaster of emotions as the countdown to graduation begins? 

When I think about my younger daughter’s upcoming graduation, I feel excitement mixed with nostalgia. I remember when she clung to me like a koala & am now inspired by her independence. As she is heading towards the next chapter in her life as a college student living away from home, I will be embarking on a new phase of life as an empty nester. I look forward to the increased flexibility in my schedule but will miss our regular chats after school. 

To support myself in this huge transition, I talked to empty nesters, did some reading on the topic and explored what worked best for me when my oldest daughter left for college. 

Here are my 6 tips on how to prepare for an empty nest:

  1. Give yourself space for a variety of feelings. You may feel pride for your child & excitement about new opportunities while also feeling grief & sadness about spending less time with them. Many things are true at once. None of these feelings are wrong. My favorite way to provide this non-judgmental, emotional space for myself is practicing self-compassion. If you are not familiar with this practice, check out my blog on self-compassion.
  1. Expect to coach your child through their conflicted feelings about the transition. They may feel thrilled to graduate but nervous about moving or leaving friends. College students often call home when they are struggling. A friend of mine described how her daughter tended to feel better after these calls, but my friend was left with residual worry. What are we to do in these situations? 
  • Find someone to process these conversations with afterwards such as a friend, partner, therapist or coach.
  • Make time for practices that regulate your nervous system so you can be a supportive, calm presence for your child. Some possibilities include yoga, meditation, exercise or prayer. 
  1. Find ways to connect with your child from a distance. Ask your child how they would like to stay in touch. My older daughter prefers to stay in touch by texting or talking over FaceTime. A friend of mine described the unexpected pleasure of a daily word exchange with her son for Wordle. 
  1. Plan something fun for yourself after your child moves out. Create your own empty nest celebration. We have many rituals in our culture to honor life transitions such as weddings, graduations and funerals. Rituals can provide a sense of closure while embracing the future. 

I am planning a trip to Minnesota to pick apples, attend the state fair & visit my best friend after dropping off my kids at college. One of my friends planned a trip to walk the Camino de Santiago with her husband after her children left home. 

  1. Prioritize meaningful relationships and social time with others to “replace” the time spent with kids. You will have more free time after your kids move out. Excited? Me too. However, I recognize that this extra time could lead to loneliness or boredom. An empty nester friend shared with me that she missed the community of parents she naturally spent time with at her son’s sporting events. She needed to generate some new ways to socialize.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, consider these possibilities to increase meaningful connections:

  • Join clubs or organizations that match your interests.
  • Volunteer for local non-profit organizations to meet new people and give back to your community.
  • Host gatherings such as game nights or dinner parties for friends and neighbors.
  • Revive an old hobby or learn something new, like playing a musical instrument, painting, or gardening. You can look for classes or workshops to meet others with similar interests.
  • Plan regular meetings with friends such as a weekly coffee date or monthly movie night.
  1. Discuss changing routines with your partner. If you are a single parent, talk to a trusted person about the changes or journal about them. When children move out, cooking & meal times, household chores, shopping, finances and schedules change. These changes may provide you with more time and resources, but communication is particularly important at this time. 

Your partner may be experiencing the empty nest differently than you. Check in with their priorities for this new stage of life. It’s an opportunity to reconnect with your partner and rediscover shared interests. After many years of planning meals to suit the kids, my husband and I are excited about the variety of food that we can cook together. It is just the start of our vision for an exciting new future.

Parenting does not end when children move out, but it does change dramatically. Preparing ourselves for the transition can help us approach this change with optimism and hope. 

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help preparing for an empty nest, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

Would you spend time with someone that consistently tells you that you are a failure and lists the ways that you are lacking? I hope not. Unfortunately, that is how many of us talk to ourselves, and we can’t walk away from this relationship. Most people use harsh, critical words with themselves that they would never use with another person. However, we can transform the way we talk to ourselves over time with the practice of self-compassion.

The What & Why of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is treating yourself like a good friend. There are three parts to it. 

  1. Mindfulness- Notice that you are in pain without judgement.
  2. Common Humanity- Acknowledge that all humans suffer. You are not alone.
  3. Kindness- Offer yourself kind words & gestures.

Practicing self-compassion is related to increases in well-being, resilience, physical health and motivation. Research also shows that it is related to better relationships and less burnout. Pretty amazing, huh? Let’s get started!

Here are 3 simple ways to increase your self-compassion

  1. Experiment with physical touch to activate a feeling of comfort. 

When we criticize ourselves, our bodies perceive a threat, and activate the fight, flight or freeze response. Soothing touch like a hug can counter this response. Conveniently, we can use our own hands and do not need to rely on others for this benefit. Experiment with these types of touch to see what feels relaxing to you. 

  • Place both hands over your heart
  • Place one hand on your heart & one on your belly
  • Wrap your arms around yourself in a hug and gently rub your arms
  • Cradle your face with your hands
  • Slowly rub the top of your legs
  • Gently tap your chest

This isn’t a complete list of options. Keep exploring until you find something that comforts you.

  1. Practice a self-compassion break

Imagine a situation in your life that is causing you mild or moderate stress. Feel the discomfort in your body as you think about the struggle. Next, try practicing the parts of self-compassion.

  • Try saying to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering” or “This hurts.” This is mindfulness.
  • Now, try saying to yourself: “Suffering is a part of life” or “All people experience pain sometimes.” This is common humanity.
  • Offer yourself the gesture of comforting touch that you identified in the previous exercise.
  • Next, try saying to yourself: “May I be a good friend to myself” or share specific words of encouragement like “I am here for you.” This is kindness. If you are struggling to find compassionate words, consider what you would say to a good friend in the same situation. 

Once you get comfortable with the structure of the self-compassion break, you can adapt it to any painful situation you encounter. I have used it with clients that are dealing with parenting stress, uncomfortable transitions and setbacks related to their goals. 

  1. Prime your environment for self-compassion.

To support the replacement of self-criticism with self-compassion, it is helpful to place reminders around you. To get you started, here are my favorite ways to prime my environment.

  • Self-compassion playlist- I created a playlist on Spotify with songs that inspire self-compassion in me & play it when I am having a rough time.
  • Poems- I hang favorite poems on my fridge. A favorite poem of mine is Wild Geese by Mary Oliver.
  • Quotes- I write quotes on sticky notes & post them around my computer. Here’s a favorite: “Forget the perfect offering. Everything is flawed. It’s the cracks that let the light in.” -Leonard Cohen
  • Reminder bracelet- I use braided thread around my wrist for a subtle & inexpensive reminder.
  • Photo of myself as a child- I have a picture of myself as a 2yr old hanging on my closet mirror as a reminder to be kind to myself as I look in the mirror.

I will confess that it does take work to change your self-talk, and it is easy to slip up even after you have established a self-compassion practice. As I was working on this blog, my inner mean girl was supercharged. I found myself stuck in indecision about what I wanted to share as I beat myself up for not finishing my blog sooner. Luckily, a wise friend got me back on track after suggesting that I think about a friend or client as I write. Once I envisioned sharing my compassion with my friends and clients, I was able to turn it back to myself (& finish the blog!) 

I’m hoping my vulnerability will encourage you to try these simple practices if they are new to you and to revisit them if you have lapsed in your self-compassion practice. It is possible to improve the quality of your life with self-compassion. Give it a try! 

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help increasing your self-compassion, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

6 Tips on Increasing Happiness (Inspired by my Dog)

Are you happy? Your answer might vary depending on the day, hour or even minute. It’s natural for our moods to fluctuate, but is happiness more than a feeling? 

After studying positive psychology for the past 10 years, I have determined that what we mean when we use the word “happiness” is not just a fleeting feeling of joy. Instead, we are talking about a state of well-being that includes satisfaction with our lives, a sense of meaning & purpose and plenty of pleasant emotions. 

Although I have explored many resources on how to increase happiness, one of my favorite sources of inspiration is my dog, Millie. She reminds me daily of simple ways I can boost my sense of well-being.

Here are 6 tips on increasing happiness inspired by my dog:

  1. Relationships matter. 

My dog is constantly keeping tabs on the location of her humans and loves spending time with us. I’m pretty sure Millie hasn’t read The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Study of Happiness, but she lives its wisdom. Quality relationships lead to greater happiness, longevity and physical health. 

What is one step you could take today to improve a relationship? Call a friend? Invite a coworker to lunch? Spend 15 minutes giving your full attention to your daughter as she talks about her school day? Sign up for a group activity to meet new friends? 

  1. Move your body.

Physical movement, including exercise & activities like gardening or chores, supports well-being in many ways . Exercising increases the “feel good” neurotransmitters in the brain. Seeing yourself get stronger, faster and healthier increases your self-worth and self-efficacy, the feeling that you are capable of getting things done. Physical activity can be a positive distraction from worries. If done with others, it can bolster social support & improve relationships. Millie is my walking buddy. Even on my low energy days, Millie’s excited tail wag when I put on my shoes gets me moving.

How can you incorporate more movement into your day? Play with your dog? Walk with a friend, furry or otherwise? Take a dance break? Set aside time to play your favorite sport?

  1. Stay in the moment.

Mindfulness decreases rumination (getting stuck in thought cycles) and increases emotional regulation which then increases feelings of well-being. Dogs have the advantage here since they do not plan for the future or get stuck in the past. Humans need to work to stay present and reap these benefits. 

Try this short practice to encourage mindfulness by tapping into the five senses. 

Sight: Look around the room & notice 5 different colored items.

Sound: Close your eyes & listen to the sounds in your environment. Some might be internal like the sound of your breathing. Some might be external like birds chirping or appliances humming.

Smell: While your eyes are closed, can you smell anything, even faintly? 

Taste: Pay attention to your tongue and the saliva in your mouth. Do you notice an aftertaste of a drink or meal?

Touch: Bring your focus to the sensations of your clothing, the surface you are sitting on, and your feet on the floor. Observe the temperature of the air around you. 

  1. Prioritize sleep.

On an extended visit to my house, my dad commented that my dog sleeps all day. It is true that Millie loves curling up in blankets for naps throughout the day. Since healthy, adult dogs need 12-14 hours, this behavior is adaptive. 

Although healthy humans do not need frequent naps throughout the day, people who get adequate sleep (defined as 8 hrs or more daily) are more likely to rate their lives as happier. If we don’t get enough sleep (7-9 hrs for adults), we’ll suffer in mood, energy, alertness and health. 

What step can you take to prioritize your sleep needs today? Create a soothing, nighttime ritual? Change your sleeping environment? Restrict your use of electronic devices a couple hours before bedtime?

  1. Make time for play.

Millie enjoys playing with her favorite hedgehog toy daily. She chases it, carries it from room to room and chews on it. As far as I can tell, there is no purpose to this behavior except enjoyment. 

For many adult humans, spending time playing is unfamiliar and rare. You might even wonder what counts as play so let’s start with a definition. Play is engaging in activities that are enjoyable in themselves. We don’t need to be paid or receive an external reward to want to play. It is intrinsically motivating.  These activities are naturally associated with positive emotions & feeling these emotions is one aspect of happiness. If you play with others, you can also bolster your relationships.

When we play, we also increase the likelihood of reaching a flow state. Flow occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity that we lose track of time. Flow states are related to an increased sense of well-being.

How can you create more opportunities for play? Explore new activities that sound interesting? If you are uncertain what you would enjoy, consider the activities you enjoyed as a child. Did you enjoy sports, music, or arts & crafts? Playing a board game with friends? Riding a bike? Blowing bubbles? 

  1. Positive touch increases well-being.

My dog is very cuddly. Everyday, she climbs into my lap for a good snuggle. While I am sure that she is enjoying these experiences, I am also benefiting from the physical contact. Hugging and comforting touch causes your brain to release “feel good” hormones such as oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. It reduces stress hormones like cortisol and norepinephrine. These neurochemical changes make you feel happier and less stressed. 

How can you incorporate positive touch into your day? Hug a friend? Pet an animal? Give yourself a foot & leg massage? Use a weighted blanket?

It can be hard to know where to start when building a happier life, but there are simple ways to increase well-being. Inspiration can be found in our furry friends and other unlikely places.

I’d love to hear what works for you & where you find your inspiration. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help increasing your happiness, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

5 Ways to Use Positive Psychology Coaching Skills in Everyday Life

As an introvert, I prefer meaningful conversation to small talk. It’s not that I can’t talk about the weather or where to find the best barbecue, but I enjoy knowing more. This might explain why I often come home from the grocery store with stories about my cashier’s lives along with my groceries. My family has often teased me that I learn a lot about strangers for someone who frequently prefers to be alone with a book.

I confess I often employ the tools of Positive Psychology Coaching when interacting with others, even outside of my coaching sessions. I tap into my curiosity, practice my listening skills, and use appreciative inquiry when I ask my cashier what they are looking forward to during the weekend. Many of the students in WBI’s Positive Psychology Coaching Fundamentals course also share that they enjoy doing this.

During the last class of the most recent Positive Psychology Coaching Fundamentals course, I asked students, “Who do you think your ‘fish’ are?” In other words, who will they be using their Positive Psychology Coaching (PPC) skills with? I then had the opportunity to pop into a breakout room with a student to hear her answer. Her initial response was, “I don’t know because I’m not starting a coaching practice.” But as we talked, she realized that she was actually already using these skills in her workplace with clients and coworkers, at home with her family, and even in the way she spoke to herself. Her school of fish was actually quite large.

Employing PPC skills can be very rewarding, whether in a coaching relationship or out in the real world, to open up new ways of interacting with others. Viewing others through a positive psychology lens by looking at what’s working, what they do well, and what excites them counters the typical “problem focus” in our culture. It creates access to inspiring possibilities and to a more hopeful way of viewing a wide variety of situations and challenges.

Are you ready to learn new ways to see the best in others? Here are five ways to use PPC skills in everyday life.

1. Use empathic listening with family, friends, and coworkers. Try to understand their perspectives, reflect back their words, notice their emotions, and ask questions that help increase your ability to comprehend and relate to what they’re going through.

2 Strength-spot friends, family members, and coworkers by telling them when you see them using their strengths. Encourage them to take the VIA character strengths survey to become more familiar with their strengths. Appreciate strengths as a work team or in your family. What values do you share? How do you use your strengths to support each other or reach a common goal?

3. Develop your own self-compassion practice to use when you encounter difficulties or suffering. Instead of responding to challenges with self-criticism, try giving yourself the kindness and care you would give to a close friend.

4. Start meetings at work or school with a positive opener like, “What is something that brought you delight this week?” Tapping into positive emotions increases creativity and openness to ideas. This is also a great way to connect with family at the dinner table.

5. Create meaningful goals by using the CHANGE model that is taught in Positive Psychology Coaching Fundamentals. This framework includes skills to clarify goals, increase hope, activate change, navigate the path, make progress, and expand on growth. While this process can be used personally to craft and move toward New Year’s resolutions, it can also be used with teams or individuals in organizations working toward change.

Positive Psychology Coaching Fundamentals connects a wealth of positive psychology research to the practical skills students can use to help clients, colleagues, and others successfully make positive changes in their lives, work, health, and relationships. Register now for the next session, starting January 20.

How to Become More Comfortable with Uncertainty

Have you ever found yourself stuck in self-doubt and worry when confronted with an uncertain future? Maybe it feels like you are navigating through a foggy maze, where every step forward is accompanied by a lingering sense of apprehension and unease.  

Uncertainty has been a constant companion in my home this year. It hangs out with my younger daughter as she completes college applications and tries to plan for life after high school. What schools will she get into? Does she really want to major in chemistry? It lingers in the background as my husband and I try to imagine life as empty nesters. How often will we see our younger daughter? What will our evenings look like without children around? Uncertainty has the potential to breed distress, but it is also connected to possibilities and dreams.

My clients often encounter uncertainty as they make changes, navigate transitions and strive towards their goals. The possibility of these life changes always brings uncertainty. It is an inevitable part of life, but it does not have to cause us pain. We can become more comfortable with uncertainty.

Here are my 6 tips for becoming more comfortable with uncertainty:

  1. Practice mindfulness

Certainty is available in the present moment. When you feel overwhelmed by future possibilities, take time to focus on the current moment by noticing your breath & your senses. Experience the ease of this moment when no decisions need to be made.

2. Reframe uncertainty

As Nathan Furr and Susannah Harmon Furr state in The Upside of Uncertainty, “humans need surprise, spontaneity and change-those things are inherently uncertain.” Deliberately reframing uncertainty as possibility, moves us away from fear and towards hope. 

For example, my daughter might not know what college she will attend yet, but she will have the opportunity to explore her interests in a novel learning environment.

3. Focus on your values & character strengths

Become aware of your core values and character strengths by taking the VIA (Values in Action) survey. These strengths provide a solid foundation and can be activated deliberately to cope with difficulties.

One of my clients that was looking for a career change made a list of the qualities that he wanted in a job. These qualities were tied to his values and character strengths. The list allowed him to easily evaluate job opportunities and come from a “position of power.” He also leaned into his strengths of creativity, humor and love while looking for the ideal position. 

4. Loosen up expectations

Things will go wrong, and that is okay. Research shows that we adapt to disappointments faster and better than we expect. Give yourself permission to change your plan as you gain new information and experiences. 

One of my clients has pivoted several times while creating an online course. Since this is her first time working on a project of this type, she frequently needs to adjust her schedule and deadlines to fit the reality of the work. She runs experiments to determine what works best and then uses that information to plan next steps.

5. Release embodied stress

Notice tension in your body, lean back, breathe into tight spots and release the tension. Make time for the activities that help you regularly release physical tension such as walking, running, dancing, or yoga.

6. Connect with others

Uncertainty is part of the human experience. Connect with others that understand your situation and talk openly about the fears associated with uncertainty. Surround yourself with people that you can learn from and that build your optimism. 

As the facilitator of Positive Psychology Coaching Fundamentals at WholeBeing Institute, I meet many students that are building new coaching practices and facing the uncertainty involved in a career change. One of my roles as a facilitator is to encourage community building. The students frequently report that the relationships formed in this community provide inspiration and support for them while they are figuring out their next steps.

We cannot get rid of uncertainty, but we can reduce the discomfort that it brings and embrace the possibilities.

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help becoming more comfortable with uncertainty, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

How to get started making lifestyle changes

Have you ever become excited about developing a new habit or practice that would improve your life but then failed to get started? 

Perhaps you heard about the long-term benefits of meditation, journaling, decluttering, eating more fiber, lifting weights, or ____ (fill in the blank with your healthy practice of choice) and were convinced that you should try this new behavior. After an initial burst of enthusiasm, your motivation quickly faded before you made a plan or even got started. 

Alice in Wonderland says it nicely, “I give myself good advice but I very seldom follow it.” It can be hard to push through inertia and make changes. 

However, there are ways to jumpstart a new habit and build momentum for change. No need to rely on willpower alone.

Here are my 8 tips for getting started making lifestyle changes:

  1. Start small

Consider the question: What would make my life 2% better? Commit to that. That might be 2 minutes of meditation in the morning while the coffee brews or adding a serving of fruit or veggies to your breakfast. Small changes are easier to fit into your daily routine. Once they become habits, they can be built upon if desired. For example, 2 minutes of meditation might build to 10 minutes. One serving of fruit or veggies might lead to additional changes in your diet.

  1. Use the 5 minute rule

Give yourself permission to only do 5 minutes of a behavior. If you choose to continue after the 5 minutes are up, you can do so, but stopping at 5 minutes is still considered a success. For example, you could spend 5 minutes decluttering and organizing your desk. At the end of the 5 minute period, you decide if you’d like to continue or stop and celebrate the small success. This is particularly helpful for tasks that seem daunting. 

  1. Connect to your “Why”

Consider why you want to make this change. How will your life improve if you make this change? How does this goal connect to what matters most to you in your life? Post a reminder of this on your mirror or somewhere you look often. 

For example, a client of mine set a goal to increase her exercise. Her A1C was high, and her doctor told her that moving more would improve her health numbers. She determined that she would feel pride about improving her A1C. On further exploration of her “why,” she said she wanted to live longer and see her child grow up. Her motivation was deeply tied to her values of family and love. 

  1. Recruit an accountability partner

We are more likely to follow through on commitments when we have someone checking in on us and celebrating with us when we make progress. Many of my clients say they completed their “homework” because they knew I would be checking in with them, but accountability does not need to be provided by a coach. Family and friends make great accountability partners especially if they see you regularly. 

  1. Mine the past for successes

Consider when you have made a similar change in the past or when you don’t experience the problem as much. What did you do? How did it feel? When my clients set goals to increase exercise, we always discuss what types of movement have been pleasurable in the past and what strategies helped them incorporate movement into their days. We also look for recent moments when they have felt more active. This process generates many ideas on how to reach new exercise goals.

  1. Harness the energy of the calendar

New Year’s Day is a time known for setting goals and making changes, but other times of the year can inspire new beginnings too.  Consider the start of a school year, the first day of a month, a birthday, an anniversary or any other personally meaningful time to start your transformation.

  1. Prepare the environment

Before starting a new behavior, consider how you can set up your environment to make it easier. When I chose to increase the fiber in my diet, I made a list of high fiber foods, found recipes and went shopping before changing my eating habits. A client of mine created a cozy, warm spot for meditation in her bedroom to increase the likelihood of her practice on winter mornings.

  1. Pair the new behavior with an established habit

Pairing a new behavior with an established habit creates a built in reminder to perform the new behavior. What behaviors do you perform regularly? Could you add your desired behavior to your regular routine? When I needed to start using a nasal rinse daily to prevent chronic sinus infections, I paired the nasal rinse process with teeth brushing. I didn’t need a reminder to brush my teeth, and teeth brushing became my reminder to rinse my nose. It was also helpful that both behaviors were done at the bathroom sink.

Starting a new habit can feel strenuous, but you do not need to rely on willpower alone. There are many practical ways to set yourself up for success and make positive changes in your life.

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help making lifestyle changes, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

How to Prevent Burnout with Self-Care

When you wake up in the morning, where do your thoughts go? Your to-do list? Your schedule? Worries about the important people in your life? Or do you gently stretch and check into what you need for the day? If this last possibility has never occurred to you, you would not be alone. 

Many of us are jarred awake from an alarm in the morning & immediately focus on the outside world with all the obligations of the day and continue this outward focus throughout the day. Without pausing to consider our own needs, they are often unmet. This constant outward focus can lead us to burnout. 

The Solution

Meaningful self-care is the process of identifying your needs and responding to them in a kind way. It builds your inner and outer resources so you can face challenges throughout your day and flourish. 

Uncertain how to identify your needs?

My favorite tool for identifying self-care needs is a check-in using the SPIRE model of wellbeing. This model, created by Wholebeing Institute, describes five perspectives that contribute to overall well-being and form the acronym SPIRE. Each perspective has two principles that can be evaluated. Give it a try as you read about each one. 

Consider to what extent you felt this principle in your life during the past week? 1=not at all, 5=extremely 

S-Spiritual

  • Leading a meaningful life
  • Mindfully savoring the present

P-Physical

  • Caring for the body
  • Tapping into the mind/body connection

I-Intellectual

  • Engaging in deep learning
  • Opening to experience

R-Relational

  • Nurturing a constructive relationship with self
  • Nurturing a constructive relationship with others

E-Emotional

  • Feeling all emotions
  • Reaching towards resilience and positivity

Do you notice any areas that are strong? Do you see areas that might need more attention? Now that you have identified your current needs, it is time to address these needs kindly. 

Follow these five principles to address your needs kindly.

  1. Acknowledge the importance of your needs. Taking care of your needs is not frivolous. You cannot produce quality work or help others if you are depleted. My client, a grief coach, recognized that she needed to increase her self-care so she could maintain the energy required to provide consistent compassionate care. After acknowledging the importance of her self-care, she soon developed a plan that allowed her to thrive in this role.
  1. Set boundaries. To find time for restorative activities, you may need to set boundaries with work colleagues, family or friends. One of my clients needed to clearly state that he would not be available for work emergencies on Sundays since this was not part of his work description. He reclaimed his personal time.
  1. Use self-compassion. Notice when you are having a hard time, acknowledge that suffering is a part of being human, and offer yourself kindness like you would a close friend. Recently, I have started to offer myself compassion when I am struggling with non-responsive migraines. Self-compassion does not make the headaches go away, but it decreases the emotional pain associated with them.
  1. Ask for & receive help. As a social species, humans are meant to rely on each other for help. Our stress levels decrease when we feel supported. Several mothers in my self-renewal groups admitted that this was a difficult but powerful change for them. Although they initially worried that they would be regarded as a burden to others, they found that asking for & receiving help strengthened their relationships with the helpers.
  1. Ground your self-care in your values. Take the VIA (Values in Action) to discover your signature strengths. Using strengths regularly increases happiness and reduces stress. Experiment with different ways to use your strengths daily. Consider what has worked in the past.

Practicing meaningful self-care requires a deliberate effort to move our focus inward to address our needs kindly. This focus pays off as we avoid burnout and flourish in our daily lives.

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help creating meaningful self-care, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

How to Map out a Complex Goal

Have you ever felt ready to make a big change but uncertain how to do it? Perhaps you are ready to change careers or move to another city or clean out your house. Or maybe you are ready to write the book you have been dreaming about or start a new business. Then you find yourself stuck, uncertain how to start and your goal never moves beyond a dream.

Many worthwhile goals get stalled because the path to the goals are complex, and we don’t know how to reach them. We have realistic concerns about the practicality of the goals and our ability to achieve them. Even if we get started, it is hard to maintain our momentum and to bounce back after setbacks. We constantly confront the fear of failure and may just give up.

However, we can pursue and achieve complex goals with some help. My favorite tool to support this is a goal map. With a goal map, we can get clear on a realistic path to reach our goal, identify questions we need answered, evaluate progress and maintain the momentum needed for big changes. 

After my last blog post, How to Maintain Momentum for Big Change, several people asked me to share more about how to create the goal maps I referenced. So here it goes!

What is a goal map?

A goal map is a visual representation of a goal that includes the steps to reach it along with the resources needed to achieve it. It can be created with poster board, sticky notes and markers or on a computer. Whatever method feels most comfortable to you. Once you finish, you can display the map somewhere prominent and track your progress. 

Here are the parts of a goal map

  1. Goal

Write a clear, personally meaningful, forward looking goal using “I want___” on the top of your page. 

  1. Destination

On the top right side of the page, describe what it will look like when the goal is achieved. What will you be doing? How will your daily life change? Get specific and concrete. 

  1. Why

On the right side of the page, detail your reasons for pursuing this goal. How will your life get better as you reach this goal? 

  1. Starting Point

On the bottom left corner of the page, outline the progress you have already made. List your relevant strengths, skills, experience, and resources. What steps have you taken to reach your goal? What experience and skills do you possess? What strengths will support you? Who will support you?

  1. Big Steps to the Goal

Determine the big remaining steps to reach the goal. Consider what it would look like to be one step closer. Include approximate timing for each step. These steps should connect your starting point with your destination. In some cases, your steps to reach the goal are not chronological so you can get creative with the placement of the steps (see the example above).

  1. Knowledge Gaps

Often people do not know how to complete all the steps that are required to reach their goal. There are knowledge gaps that will need to be filled. List them around the steps that they impact. This is also the place to put questions that you need answered to determine your path. 

  1. Learning Plans

The next step is to create learning plans for the gaps and questions that have popped up. How can you gain the experience or the learning that you need? What people and resources can help you learn? How can you start to discover the answers to your questions? Attach these learning plans to the knowledge gaps and questions that they address.

  1. Stress Points

As you are working on the goal map, you might feel overwhelmed or anxious about certain steps, decisions or knowledge gaps. Acknowledge these stress points & write them somewhere on the page. It is better to move them from your mind to the page so you can address them. 

  1. Catalysts

Catalysts are defined as agents that speed significant change. These include resources, values, aspects of wellbeing and pleasures that will support you along your journey. What resources can support you with your stress points? What values are you affirming as you go after your goal?  How will you enjoy this journey? What areas of your spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational and emotional health will uplift you? Write these catalysts wherever there is room on your page.

Embrace your creativity, a sense of playfulness and curiosity while you work on your goal map. If you are struggling to complete certain sections, take a break and return to them later. While some people complete goal maps in one sitting, most people work on their maps over multiple days.

I’d love to hear about your experience creating your goal map. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help navigating the goal mapping process, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

How to Maintain Momentum for Big Changes

Have you ever started off strong on a New Year’s resolution in January and fizzled out in February? Me too. 

Making long-term changes can be hard. Forming new health habits, changing careers, completing big projects like writing a book or building a website take time and sustained effort.  Often clients reach out to me when they have stalled in their first efforts to make change and are looking for help to get back on track.

It is common for people to lose momentum after starting strong, but there are many ways to keep the momentum going until you reach your goal.

Ideally, you can make steady progress, get tasks done, build on your habits, and feel the rewarding momentum weekly.

Even when you encounter challenges and get stuck, you’re able to reassess the situation and move around the obstacles. 

Soon you are moving forward again and building momentum until you reach your destination. 

Here are my 8 practical tips for maintaining momentum over a long period of time:

1. Take time to imagine a future when you have achieved your goal. 

What would be different? How would your daily life change? How would you feel? Why is this change important to you?

2. Break down the steps needed to achieve the goal and make a visual map. 

You can create this on a computer or with paper and pens.  Use whatever method inspires creativity in you. Hang the goal map somewhere you look often. 

3. Celebrate the small successes along the way. 

Don’t just wait until the end to celebrate. The celebration could be as simple as telling a friend about your success or more elaborate like a special dinner out.

4. Prime your environment with pictures or quotes that inspire you.

I have a sticky note near my desk that says “Remember Your Why” and a notecard with one of my favorite quotes.

“It may take a little time to get to where you want to be, but if you pause and think for a moment, you will notice that you are no longer where you were. Do not stop. Keep going.” 
– Rudolfo Costa

5. Reflect back on your progress. 

Write in a journal or talk about the progress with a good listener. Look at the skills you’ve gained, failures you’ve learned from, information you have learned and the people who have supported you along the way.

6. Partner with a reliable friend or coach for accountability.

We are more likely to follow through on commitments when we have someone checking in with us. 

7. Practice self-compassion when there are setbacks. 

Failures and disappointments are a normal part of learning. Research shows that responding to our pain with self-compassion instead of self-criticism increases motivation to change. 

8. Notice what recharges your energy. 

Spending time in nature? Creating art? Dancing? Hanging out with friends? Meditation? Playing tennis? Whatever it is, make time for it. 

Making big changes requires effort, but there are many ways to support yourself as you accomplish long-term goals. 

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you are looking for additional support to maintain momentum for big changes, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.