The Emotional Pillar of SPIRE: Bounce Back Stronger

Ever wonder how some people bounce back smoothly from setbacks? 

Earlier this week, a friend’s flight home was canceled, extending her work trip. Disappointment hit—she’d miss a long-awaited dinner and didn’t have enough clothes or vitamins. But instead of spiraling, she pivoted:

1️⃣ Gave herself permission to feel the frustration.
2️⃣ Shifted to gratitude.
3️⃣ Turned curiosity outward by asking a colleague about her life and truly listening.

This is the Emotional Pillar of SPIRE in action. 

It’s about feeling all emotions (painful & pleasant) and then reaching towards resilience and positivity—the things that keep us steady when the world wobbles. 
 

(EMOTIONAL PILLAR – STAY PRESENT)
4 Tips for Remaining Present with Difficult Emotions

  1. Don’t resist the wave
    — Painful emotions intensify when rejected or avoided.
    — Fighting them adds a layer of emotional suffering on top of the original pain.
  2. Let them flow to let them go
    — Express emotions to help them pass: cry, vent to a trusted person, or journal.
    — Suppression prolongs pain; expression weakens its grip.
  3. Name it to tame it
    — Labeling emotions (e.g., “I feel anxious”) reduces their intensity and creates distance.
  4. Acceptance fuels action
    — Acknowledge feelings without judgment first.
    — Then choose how to respond (e.g., problem-solving, self-care, seeking support).

(EMOTIONAL PILLAR – STAY POSITIVE)
From Surviving to Thriving: Building Resilience & Positivity

Positive emotions ( joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe & love) aren’t just pleasant—they rewire your brain! Research by Barbara Fredrickson shows they:

➜ Broaden your perspective (seeing more possibilities & opening to new experiences).

➜ Build enhanced problem-solving skills, greater resilience, and creativity.
 

(EMOTIONAL PILLAR – TAKE ACTION)
10 Quick Activities to Spark Positive Emotions

  1. Gratitude – Grab your phone. Scroll your recent photos. Find one that makes you smile. Take a moment to appreciate why—it’s a small glimpse of joy already in your life.
  2. Hope – Write 3 things that you are looking forward to during the day. They can be small, like enjoying a tasty lunch or listening to your favorite song.
  3. Interest – Watch a 90-second TED-Ed video on a random topic (e.g., “How do birds learn to sing?”).
  4. Inspiration – Read a quote from someone you admire and think, “How can I apply this today?”
  5. Joy – Dance wildly to your favorite upbeat song. Maybe even sing along!
  6. Awe – Step outside and lie on your back to gaze at the sky—watch clouds morph into shapes, observe birds soaring in patterns, or marvel at the vastness of the horizon.
  7. Amusement — Watch a funny animal video & laugh out loud.
  8. Serenity – Place your hand on your heart and breathe deeply 3 times (triggers calm).
  9. Pride — Journal about something that you did well recently. What strengths did you use?
  10. Love – Send a voice note to a friend: “You crossed my mind—just wanted you to know you’re awesome.”

This Week’s Challenge

Leave a comment and share: What’s one step you’ll take this week to boost your positivity?

Coming Soon

I will be sharing my favorite tools & exercises for thriving when everything feels uncertain in my newsletter, The Positive Pull. Sign up here: https://diannacollier.com/newsletter/

Need Support?

If you’re craving personalized strategies to build your resilience, let’s chat! Email dianna@collierclan.net for a free consultation.

The Antidote to Loneliness – The Relational Pillar of SPIRE

Our relationships are the heartbeat of a fulfilling life—but they’re easy to neglect in the chaos of daily routines & work. 

Let’s pause and check in:

  • Do you carve out quality time for loved ones?
  • Do you feel truly connected to your community?
  • Is there someone you trust to reach out to when life gets tough?

If any of these made you pause, you’re not alone. Nurturing relationships takes intention, but the payoff is life-changing. 

Let’s explore how to reignite meaningful bonds with others and ourselves through the Relational Pillar of SPIRE. 

Why Relationships Matter

Here’s a truth worth remembering: The QUALITY of our relationships is the #1 predictor of happiness and health (backed by the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the world’s longest study of happiness). 

Yet loneliness is rising—25-30% of people feel lonely weekly. 

Former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy called this a “public health epidemic,” and the antidote is clear: Meaningful connections that foster belonging.

7 Ways to Strengthen Relationships

  1. Express Gratitude Daily
    • Write a heartfelt letter to someone, then read it aloud (proven to boost mood for both of you!).
    • Send quick texts or voice notes like, “I appreciate you because…”
    • Offer timely thanks when someone helps you—whether a quick email to a coworker for their support or a face-to-face “thank you” to the neighbor who grabs your mail. Consistent recognition strengthens relationships and encourages more acts of kindness!
  2. Perform Small Acts of Kindness
    • Smile, hold doors, or volunteer. Even tiny gestures create ripple effects.
  3. Be Fully Present
    • Stash devices during quality time. Give undivided attention—it’s a rare gift.
  4. Schedule Connection
    • Block time for calls, video chats, or in-person meetups. Treat relationships like priorities.
  5. Reach Out Boldly
    • Text an old friend or invite a new acquaintance for coffee. Yes, rejection stings—but research shows we recover faster than we fear!
  6. Join Shared Activities
    • Sign up for clubs, classes, or events aligned with your passions. Hello, future friends!
  7. Nurture Yourself First
    • Turn your love inwards & take care of your needs (remember the other pillars of SPIRE!) to avoid feeling resentful in your giving. Strong self-connection reduces burnout and deepens bonds with others. 

Three Ways to Cultivate a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

Try these:

  • Daily Self-Appreciation
    Note 1 thing you’re proud of and recognize the strengths (take the VIA survey if you need help identifying your strengths.)
  • Boundaries = Love
    Say “no” to protect your energy.
  • Self-Compassion
    Talk to yourself like a friend.
    (Struggling to stop beating yourself up? Read my blog for actionable tips)

This Week’s Relational Challenge

Leave a comment and share: What’s one step you’ll take this week to nurture a relationship—with yourself or others?

Next Week is All About Emotions

The Emotional Pillar of SPIRE– feeling all emotions (yes, even the messy ones) & reaching towards resilience and positivity.

Need Support?

If you’re craving deeper connections, let’s chat! Email dianna@collierclan.net for a free consultation.

The Intellectual Pillar of SPIRE: Unlock Joyful Growth

Whether you’re tackling a big goal, navigating a tough challenge, or embarking on an uncharted journey, today’s exploration of INTELLECT could offer the positive push you need to persevere. 

Have you ever followed a spark of curiosity and stumbled upon something extraordinary? Maybe it led you to a hidden gem of a restaurant, an unexpected friendship, or a moment that shifted your perspective.

Last year, while wandering Brussels’ cobblestone streets, my family and I were drawn by the rhythm of distant drums. We followed the sound—and discovered a surrealist parade: fantastical floats, performers in kaleidoscopic costumes, and a crowd buzzing with joy. 

That unplanned detour became one of the highlights of our trip. This pic shows some of the fun from that moment … 

Last week, we explored the Physical Pillar– caring for your body & harnessing the mind-body connection. Today, let’s dive into the Intellectual Pillar: engaging in deep learning, and opening to experience. 

Learning isn’t just for book lovers or classroom enthusiasts—it’s about staying open to the lessons hidden in everyday moments, whether you’re trying a new hobby, solving a problem, or simply asking, “I wonder why…”

Curiosity brings happiness

Like nourishing food for the body, curiosity feeds our engagement with life, turning everyday moments into opportunities to discover and grow. While we often think of curiosity as exploring the world around us, its greatest power might lie in how we turn it inward.

When we reflect on ourselves, it’s easy to fixate on flaws or setbacks—a habit wired into us for survival. But what if, instead of focusing on what’s broken, we channel that curiosity toward what’s already working? What lights us up? What makes us resilient? 

This shift—from criticism to wonder—can transform self-awareness into a tool for joy, not judgment.

Ready to try? Grab a journal and explore the questions below. Tip: Think like a scientist observing your own life—no judgment, just discovery.

Your Positive Curiosity Experiment:

  1. What do you love to learn? 
  2. When do you feel most connected in your relationships? 
  3. What are some strengths you value in yourself? How can you use these strengths in new ways?
  4. What do you appreciate about your body? 
  5. How have you supported yourself during challenging times? Can you apply these insights to current struggles?

This Week’s Challenge

Post a comment and share: When did curiosity lead you somewhere wonderful? I’ll feature my favorite story in next week’s newsletter!

Next Week: The Relational Pillar of SPIRE– nurturing a constructive relationship with yourself & others.

Want Personalized Support?

If you’re ready to turn curiosity into actionable growth, let’s chat! Email me at dianna@collierclan.net to schedule a free consultation. 

The PHYSICAL Pillar of SPIRE–3 Stress Rescue Exercises to Restore Energy

How does your body feel right now? Close your eyes for a moment. Notice your breath. The tension in your shoulders. The rhythm of your heartbeat. Now ask yourself: How does your mind feel?

We often treat the body and mind as separate entities, but they’re deeply intertwined. What affects one, shapes the other. Let me share a story about how I learned this firsthand.

When Visualization Beats Practice —

In 7th grade, I got a last-minute chance to compete in a track meet when a teammate fell ill. My running times weren’t impressive, but a friend fibbed to the coach that I’d been training extra hours (I hadn’t). With zero time to practice, I spent the bus ride to the meet visualizing the mile race: the surge of adrenaline, the burn in my legs, the final sprint. Over and over, I pictured myself crossing the finish line.

Result? I shaved over a minute off my best time and won a ribbon. That day taught me: The mind doesn’t just influence the body—it can transform it.

Last Week vs. This Week: SPIRE’s Pillars

Last week in my newsletter, we explored the Spiritual Pillar—cultivating purpose and presence. Today, we dive into the Physical Pillar: caring for your body to harness the mind-body connection.

How’s your physical well-being? Ask yourself these questions (adapted from Tal Ben-Shahar’s Happier, No Matter What):

  • How do you take care of your body?
  • How physically active are you?
  • Do you prioritize rest and recovery?
  • What’s your relationship with stress?

Stress Isn’t the Enemy—Unmanaged Stress Is

Many of you’ve shared feeling overwhelmed by constant triggers: global uncertainty, personal chaos, and the relentless pace of life. Here’s the truth: Stress itself isn’t harmful. Our bodies evolved to handle short-term threats via “fight, flight, or freeze.” The problem? Modern life keeps us stuck in this heightened state.

The antidote? Recovery.

3 Types of Recovery (You Probably Aren’t Using Enough)

To shift out of survival mode, we need layers of restoration. Think of it as a pyramid:1. Micro-Level Recovery: Daily “Reset Buttons”

  • Take a 5-minute breathing break every 90 minutes
  • Dance to one song (bonus points for crazy moves)
  • Pet an animal—mindfully notice their fur texture
  • Read fiction during coffee breaks (my personal favorite)

2. Mid-Level Recovery: Weekly Resets

  • Protect 7-9 hours of sleep nightly
  • Take one full day off work/school weekly (no “quick emails”!)

3. Macro-Level Recovery: Deep Disconnects

  • Plan a vacation (or staycation!) for 1-2 weeks/year
  • Go tech-free: No emails, no news, just you

This Week’s Challenge

Leave me a comment and finish this sentence:
“One way I’ll restore this week is…”
(Example: “…by taking a 10-minute walk after lunch, phone-free.”)

Next Week: The Intellectual Pillar of SPIRE—how curiosity and deep learning fuel resilience.

Want Tailored Support?
If stress feels relentless, let’s co-create strategies that fit your life. Email me at dianna@collierclan.net for a free consultation.

Cultivate Meaning & Mindfulness: A Guide to SPIRE’s Spiritual Pillar

Where do you find meaning or purpose? In your work? At home? In relationships or creativity? For many, this question only arises during life’s unexpected turns—a career shift, loss, or health challenge. But nurturing meaning before adversity strikes can anchor your spiritual well-being and resilience. Let’s explore how.

In my newsletter last week, we explored SPIRE—the 5-pillar framework for holistic well-being. Today, we’re diving into the Spiritual Pillar—how to cultivate purpose, meaning, and presence in everyday life.

The Spiritual PillarSpirituality ≠ Religion

Spiritual well-being isn’t confined to religious practice. It’s about two core ideas:

  1. Living meaningfully (even in small moments).
  2. Savoring the present (amid life’s chaos).

Let’s break these down.Part 1: Crafting a Meaningful Life

Researchers say a meaningful life hinges on three keys:

  1. Mattering – Feeling your contributions positively impact others.
  2. Coherence – Life “makes sense” to you.
  3. Purpose – Pursuing goals aligned with your values.

Here are three ways to cultivate meaning.

Step 1: Discover Your Strengths

  • Take the free VIA Character Strengths Survey to identify your top traits (e.g., kindness, curiosity, courage).
  • Journal Prompts: When was I at my “best”? What strengths was I using? How can I use my top strengths in new ways?

Step 2: Reframe Tasks from “Job” to “Calling”

Every task can feel like a chore or a chance to live your values:

  • Job Mode: “I have to walk my dog.” (Obligation)
  • Calling Mode: “I get to care for a loyal companion and practice love.” (My #1 strength!)
  • Another Example: A teacher grading papers might reframe it as “nurturing future leaders.”

Step 3: Set Purpose-Driven Goals

Align aspirations with your values.

Client Story: One client dreamed of writing a book. While income & pride of being a published author mattered, her deeper “why” was sharing her story as an Asian American immigrant—a goal rooted in her values of representation and community.

Part 2: Mindfulness—Savoring the Present

The second aspect of spiritual well-being is savoring the present moment or mindfulness. Researchers have found that mindfulness can reduce stress, sharpen focus, and deepen resilience. But how do you practice it in our busy world?

5 Simple Ways to Increase Awareness:

  1. Focus on Breath: Close your eyes; notice each inhale and exhale. Practice for 5 minutes.
  2. Single-Task: Do ONE thing at a time & fully direct your attention to it (no multitasking!)
  3. Savor Food: Eat mindfully—notice textures, smells, and flavors (dark chocolate, anyone?).
  4. Practice Active Listening:
  • Pay attention to the speaker’s story & perspective. Reach for understanding & empathy.
  • Use body language that shows you are listening such as nodding, smiling and providing eye contact
  • Reflect back what you hear the speaker saying and ask clarifying questions.
  1. Guided Meditation: Check out Tara Brach’s free guided meditations: https://www.tarabrach.com/guided-meditations/ or try meditation apps like Insight Timer or Headspace.

This Week’s Challenge:

Leave me a comment and share:

What’s one small way you’ll practice mindfulness or nurture meaning this week?

COMING SOON: The Physical Pillar of SPIRE—Simple strategies to care for your body and tap into the power of the mind-body connection.

Want Personalized Support?If you’re craving tailored strategies to navigate life’s challenges, email me at dianna@collierclan.net to schedule a free consultation. 

Bounce Back and Keep Moving Towards Your Goals

Last week, I crashed and burned on my plans.

It was 5 a.m., my body ached, my mind raced, and I couldn’t fall back asleep. I hadn’t made it to a single yoga class all week. 

With all the computer work I do, the lack of stretching leads to painful tension in my neck and shoulders. I feared a migraine might be on the way too. 

Would this pain ever go away? Would I have the energy and focus to write this newsletter? 

Worries consumed me, sleep got worse, and I felt my calm slipping away. 

I had dropped the ball on my exercise, and it was time to bounce back. 

So, I applied two of the four techniques below: 

Technique 1. Self compassion
I put a hand over my heart and then I gave myself a little hug as I admitted that I was struggling.

I recognized that everyone struggles sometimes, and asked myself, how do I take care of myself going forward? 

I decided that I could use a tennis ball to release some tension in my shoulders right away and then sign up for a yoga class that fit into my schedule.

Technique 2. Reflect on progress

I looked back over the past 6 months and noticed that I made it to yoga classes at least three times most weeks that I was in town. 

When this didn’t happen, it was typically due to one-time appointments that conflicted with classes or studio closures due to holidays or weather.  

That’s solid progress! 

Putting the yoga classes on my calendar at the start of the week helped me fit them into my variable schedule. I also realized that I continued to walk my dog daily regardless of the weather. 

Another victory!

I walked away proud of what I’ve done, and put more classes on my calendar for the next week. 

I figured out a better way forward that I’m excited about. Instead of feeling down about it for long, I allowed the setback to guide me forward. 

I was able to shift into a positive state and move forward. Whew!

Let’s face it: setbacks happen. Here are the four ways to get back that precious momentum … 

Whether it’s a missed workout, a blown deadline, or just feeling stuck, it’s easy to lose momentum. 

But here’s the truth: setbacks don’t have to derail you. With the right mindset and tools, you can bounce back stronger and keep moving toward your goals.

When we hit a roadblock, it’s tempting to give up or beat ourselves up. 

But setbacks are a normal part of the journey. The key is to respond with compassion, resilience, and a plan to move forward.

Here are 4 ways to bounce back and keep moving forward:

  1. Reflect on Your Progress
    Take a moment to look back at how far you’ve come. Journal about the skills you’ve gained, the lessons you’ve learned, and the people who’ve supported you. Celebrating small wins can reignite your motivation.
  2. Find an Accountability Partner
    Partner with a friend, mentor, or coach to stay on track. Knowing someone is cheering you on and checking in can make all the difference in staying consistent.
  3. Practice Self-Compassion
    When things don’t go as planned, respond with kindness, not criticism. Research shows that self-compassion increases motivation and resilience. Remind yourself: setbacks don’t define you—they’re just part of the process.
  4. Recharge Your Energy
    Notice what fuels you—whether it’s time in nature, creative activities, or connecting with loved ones—and make time for it. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so prioritize self-care to regain your momentum.

Your Turn
What’s one small step you can take this week to bounce back from a setback? Leave me a comment and let me know—I’d love to cheer you on!

Define a Destination That Drives You — A Positivity Exercise

How are you doing with your New Year’s resolutions or goals for 2025? I hope you are feeling strong about your progress, but if you are struggling, you are not alone. Some estimates indicate that only 10% of people actually achieve their resolutions. There are many reasons people struggle to reach their goals. Let’s look at one of them today.

Sometimes, big goals are hard to reach because there isn’t enough clarity on what the destination will look like. Without this clarity, we don’t even know when we have reached our goal. It’s hard to stay motivated to do something when we don’t know what success will look or feel like. Spending time defining the destination will drive you to meet your big goals. Pick a goal and give it a try.

Questions to Define the Destination (Goal Achievement!)

When your goal is accomplished

  • What would be different? What else?
  • How will your daily life change?
  • How will you feel?
  • How will people you know be able to tell that you have reached your goal?

This is an example from a client that created an online breastfeeding course. Her destination for this goal was a web-based course available through her website with individual topics/lessons available for 1 year and secure/private to the user. She was very specific and clear with her destination & also knew when to celebrate her successful launch of the course. 

I would love to hear how you defined your goal destination.

How to Deal with Election Day Stress

Every time I turn on the radio or tv this week, I hear stories about the upcoming election and the uncertain results. When I check my social media feeds or read an online news article, it’s just as rampant. It’s no wonder that many people are reporting feelings of stress & anxiety about election day. In this politically charged environment, just thinking about election results can trigger the “fight or flight” response in our bodies. Luckily, we can release this stress and shift ourselves back into a calm state by using some simple strategies.

Here are my 5 ways to ease election day stress:

  1. Set boundaries on your news consumption & limit political conversations. Check in with your body to determine when you have had enough news. 
  • Are you feeling tense in the shoulders, neck or jaw? 
  • Is your stomach queasy? 
  • Is your breath restricted & shallow? 

These are all signs that you need to step away from a screen or end a difficult conversation and take a break.

  1. Take a nature break. Step outside and notice
  • The sounds you can hear 
  • The temperature of the air
  • Anything you can smell
  • The movement of the wildlife
  • The colors of the plants and animals

If you can’t go outside, look out a window, connect with a pet or admire an indoor plant. You could also check out other people’s views outside of their windows around the world at https://www.window-swap.com/

  1. Take a sensory break. Spend 5 minutes tuning into your senses. Choose one or multiple of the following options.
  • Sound: Listen with full attention to an instrumental song or a song with inspiring, positive lyrics. 
  • Smell: Take deep, slow breaths of something that smells pleasant to you. This could be a flower, an orange, a candle, coffee, vanilla, cinnamon or any other scented item you enjoy.
  • Taste: Allow a small piece of chocolate to dissolve on your tongue while you focus on the flavor.
  • Touch: Rub your hands together slowly. Can you feel the ridges on your fingertips & the lines on your palms?
  • Sight: Pick an object in the room or outside a window & notice the colors, patterns & textures. Pick another object & repeat the exercise.  
  1. Connect with others without talking about politics. Start conversations that focus on what is going well in the lives of your friends and family. Positive moods are contagious. If you need some inspiration on how to do this, try this mood boosting activity.

The G.L.A.D. Daily Snapshot

G-Gratitude: What is one thing that you are grateful for today?

L-Learning: What is something that you learned today about yourself, others or the world? 

A- Accomplishment: What is something (small or big) that you accomplished today?

D- Delight: What is something that brought you delight today? What brought you a sense of beauty or made you smile or laugh?

  1. Take a 5 minute exercise break. Dance to a song, walk briskly, jump rope, do jumping jacks or shake your arms, legs and then whole body. Afterwards, pause and notice how your body feels as it returns to equilibrium. Did you release some physical tension? Is your heart rate slowing down after peaking during the exercise burst? Can you take deeper breaths now?

It is understandable that many people are feeling tension and unease about the uncertain results of the upcoming election. The media does a great job of drawing our attention to these fears. However, there are ways we can regulate our emotions even while watching election results come in. Try these techniques to interrupt the stress response in your body and remember to vote!

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help dealing with stress of any kind, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

How to Prepare for an Empty Nest

Do you have a son or daughter graduating from high school? Are you feeling a rollercoaster of emotions as the countdown to graduation begins? 

When I think about my younger daughter’s upcoming graduation, I feel excitement mixed with nostalgia. I remember when she clung to me like a koala & am now inspired by her independence. As she is heading towards the next chapter in her life as a college student living away from home, I will be embarking on a new phase of life as an empty nester. I look forward to the increased flexibility in my schedule but will miss our regular chats after school. 

To support myself in this huge transition, I talked to empty nesters, did some reading on the topic and explored what worked best for me when my oldest daughter left for college. 

Here are my 6 tips on how to prepare for an empty nest:

  1. Give yourself space for a variety of feelings. You may feel pride for your child & excitement about new opportunities while also feeling grief & sadness about spending less time with them. Many things are true at once. None of these feelings are wrong. My favorite way to provide this non-judgmental, emotional space for myself is practicing self-compassion. If you are not familiar with this practice, check out my blog on self-compassion.
  1. Expect to coach your child through their conflicted feelings about the transition. They may feel thrilled to graduate but nervous about moving or leaving friends. College students often call home when they are struggling. A friend of mine described how her daughter tended to feel better after these calls, but my friend was left with residual worry. What are we to do in these situations? 
  • Find someone to process these conversations with afterwards such as a friend, partner, therapist or coach.
  • Make time for practices that regulate your nervous system so you can be a supportive, calm presence for your child. Some possibilities include yoga, meditation, exercise or prayer. 
  1. Find ways to connect with your child from a distance. Ask your child how they would like to stay in touch. My older daughter prefers to stay in touch by texting or talking over FaceTime. A friend of mine described the unexpected pleasure of a daily word exchange with her son for Wordle. 
  1. Plan something fun for yourself after your child moves out. Create your own empty nest celebration. We have many rituals in our culture to honor life transitions such as weddings, graduations and funerals. Rituals can provide a sense of closure while embracing the future. 

I am planning a trip to Minnesota to pick apples, attend the state fair & visit my best friend after dropping off my kids at college. One of my friends planned a trip to walk the Camino de Santiago with her husband after her children left home. 

  1. Prioritize meaningful relationships and social time with others to “replace” the time spent with kids. You will have more free time after your kids move out. Excited? Me too. However, I recognize that this extra time could lead to loneliness or boredom. An empty nester friend shared with me that she missed the community of parents she naturally spent time with at her son’s sporting events. She needed to generate some new ways to socialize.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, consider these possibilities to increase meaningful connections:

  • Join clubs or organizations that match your interests.
  • Volunteer for local non-profit organizations to meet new people and give back to your community.
  • Host gatherings such as game nights or dinner parties for friends and neighbors.
  • Revive an old hobby or learn something new, like playing a musical instrument, painting, or gardening. You can look for classes or workshops to meet others with similar interests.
  • Plan regular meetings with friends such as a weekly coffee date or monthly movie night.
  1. Discuss changing routines with your partner. If you are a single parent, talk to a trusted person about the changes or journal about them. When children move out, cooking & meal times, household chores, shopping, finances and schedules change. These changes may provide you with more time and resources, but communication is particularly important at this time. 

Your partner may be experiencing the empty nest differently than you. Check in with their priorities for this new stage of life. It’s an opportunity to reconnect with your partner and rediscover shared interests. After many years of planning meals to suit the kids, my husband and I are excited about the variety of food that we can cook together. It is just the start of our vision for an exciting new future.

Parenting does not end when children move out, but it does change dramatically. Preparing ourselves for the transition can help us approach this change with optimism and hope. 

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help preparing for an empty nest, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

Would you spend time with someone that consistently tells you that you are a failure and lists the ways that you are lacking? I hope not. Unfortunately, that is how many of us talk to ourselves, and we can’t walk away from this relationship. Most people use harsh, critical words with themselves that they would never use with another person. However, we can transform the way we talk to ourselves over time with the practice of self-compassion.

The What & Why of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is treating yourself like a good friend. There are three parts to it. 

  1. Mindfulness- Notice that you are in pain without judgement.
  2. Common Humanity- Acknowledge that all humans suffer. You are not alone.
  3. Kindness- Offer yourself kind words & gestures.

Practicing self-compassion is related to increases in well-being, resilience, physical health and motivation. Research also shows that it is related to better relationships and less burnout. Pretty amazing, huh? Let’s get started!

Here are 3 simple ways to increase your self-compassion

  1. Experiment with physical touch to activate a feeling of comfort. 

When we criticize ourselves, our bodies perceive a threat, and activate the fight, flight or freeze response. Soothing touch like a hug can counter this response. Conveniently, we can use our own hands and do not need to rely on others for this benefit. Experiment with these types of touch to see what feels relaxing to you. 

  • Place both hands over your heart
  • Place one hand on your heart & one on your belly
  • Wrap your arms around yourself in a hug and gently rub your arms
  • Cradle your face with your hands
  • Slowly rub the top of your legs
  • Gently tap your chest

This isn’t a complete list of options. Keep exploring until you find something that comforts you.

  1. Practice a self-compassion break

Imagine a situation in your life that is causing you mild or moderate stress. Feel the discomfort in your body as you think about the struggle. Next, try practicing the parts of self-compassion.

  • Try saying to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering” or “This hurts.” This is mindfulness.
  • Now, try saying to yourself: “Suffering is a part of life” or “All people experience pain sometimes.” This is common humanity.
  • Offer yourself the gesture of comforting touch that you identified in the previous exercise.
  • Next, try saying to yourself: “May I be a good friend to myself” or share specific words of encouragement like “I am here for you.” This is kindness. If you are struggling to find compassionate words, consider what you would say to a good friend in the same situation. 

Once you get comfortable with the structure of the self-compassion break, you can adapt it to any painful situation you encounter. I have used it with clients that are dealing with parenting stress, uncomfortable transitions and setbacks related to their goals. 

  1. Prime your environment for self-compassion.

To support the replacement of self-criticism with self-compassion, it is helpful to place reminders around you. To get you started, here are my favorite ways to prime my environment.

  • Self-compassion playlist- I created a playlist on Spotify with songs that inspire self-compassion in me & play it when I am having a rough time.
  • Poems- I hang favorite poems on my fridge. A favorite poem of mine is Wild Geese by Mary Oliver.
  • Quotes- I write quotes on sticky notes & post them around my computer. Here’s a favorite: “Forget the perfect offering. Everything is flawed. It’s the cracks that let the light in.” -Leonard Cohen
  • Reminder bracelet- I use braided thread around my wrist for a subtle & inexpensive reminder.
  • Photo of myself as a child- I have a picture of myself as a 2yr old hanging on my closet mirror as a reminder to be kind to myself as I look in the mirror.

I will confess that it does take work to change your self-talk, and it is easy to slip up even after you have established a self-compassion practice. As I was working on this blog, my inner mean girl was supercharged. I found myself stuck in indecision about what I wanted to share as I beat myself up for not finishing my blog sooner. Luckily, a wise friend got me back on track after suggesting that I think about a friend or client as I write. Once I envisioned sharing my compassion with my friends and clients, I was able to turn it back to myself (& finish the blog!) 

I’m hoping my vulnerability will encourage you to try these simple practices if they are new to you and to revisit them if you have lapsed in your self-compassion practice. It is possible to improve the quality of your life with self-compassion. Give it a try! 

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a comment below.

If you would like help increasing your self-compassion, send me an email at dianna@collierclan.net to request a free consultation.